Becketwood Cooperative
An Active, Independent 55+ Community of Owners in Minneapolis
 

Pun Classics, the first appropriate to the season

by Howard Bergstrom, Becketwood Member

Each year, just before Christmas, a large hotel in a certain city sponsored an inter-city chess tournament. The chess team from a neighboring city won more than half the time, and they were very arrogant. One time after winning they were drinking in the bar, then came out into the lobby and were bragging very loudly.

Finally the hotel manager came out and shouted, “We can’t have you chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!”

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Then there was the guru—who went to a dentist to have a tooth pulled—but refused Novocain. He chose to have transcend-dental-medication.

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There was also a spiritual person who wandered around the desert to find poor people to bless. Walking barefoot over the hot sand produced thick calluses on his feet, and his diet of mostly garlic-like herbs gave him a terrible bad breath, and he was very thin and emaciated.

Local youth who knew him teased him, calling him—in their singsong manner—the “supercallused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.”

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And at the Milwaukee Zoo, biological scientists with a large grant were calculating theoretical DNA models of what different kinds of zoo creatures could be inter-bred—with the grant intended to research extending animal life—(thus also human?).

To their amazement one DNA model came out that a certain subspecies of African lion, if bred with a certain subspecies of dolphin (some call them porpoises), would result in a hybrid creature that would (at least theoretically) live forever.

It happened that they had such a dolphin in Milwaukee, and a computer search showed that the Minnesota State Zoo had such a lion. So the Milwaukee zoo director wrote to the Minnesota Zoo director, offering to pay our State Zoo to ship the lion to Milwaukee, for experimentation.

He soon received a terse and negative reply: “Don’t you know it violates federal law to cross a State lion with an immortal porpoise?”

 

Leave a Comment

  • David Liddle December 15, 2017, 7:15 pm

    Howard, thank you for sharing these puns. They are lol funny. Classic indeed–and you’re amazing!

    Reply
  • Judy solmonson December 16, 2017, 10:33 pm

    What a day brightener this is, Howard. Some of the mot complex and funny puns I have read. Judy

    Reply